Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!

On April 7, 2012, a three-alarm fire broke out at an Oklahoma City apartment complex. Local news station KFOR interviewed Kimberly Wilkins, a resident who had escaped the blaze. What followed was the most quotable 30 seconds in local news history.

"Well, I woke up to go get me a cold pop," Wilkins explained, her delivery impeccable. "And then I thought somebody was barbecuing. I said, 'Oh Lord Jesus, it's a fire!' Then I ran out, I didn't grab no shoes or nothing, Jesus. I ran for my life. And then the smoke got me. I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!"

The internet, blessed with this gift, went absolutely feral.

Within 48 hours, the video had over a million views. Remixes proliferated. Auto-tune versions climbed iTunes charts. Sweet Brown—as Wilkins became known—was suddenly everywhere, her catchphrase the perfect dismissal for any inconvenience.

Meeting running long? Ain't nobody got time for that. Complicated coffee order? Ain't nobody got time for that. Reading the terms and conditions? Ain't nobody got time for that.

Sweet Brown handled her fame with grace, giving interviews and expressing bemusement at her sudden celebrity. She later filed a $15 million lawsuit against parties who used her likeness without permission—because exploitation ain't nobody got time for either.

The meme faded by 2014, but the phrase entered the lexicon permanently. We still use it. We always will. Because sometimes, the simplest truth is the most enduring.

Rest easy, Sweet Brown. You gave us the perfect excuse.

Ain't nobody got time for a longer obituary.